Home Sweet Home or The Grand Tour of Andre Land

All you folks are just itching to know what my apartment looks like ain't ya? Oh, I know you are. Well, I'm not telling! Ha! Okay, I'll tell but first you have to stand on your head and whistle the Family Ties theme song! Oooohhhh, you guys are no fun. Okay, I'll show you anyway.

My apartment, as I have told you, is nestled next to an atrociously loud crosswalk where louder trains pass as they leave from and return to Yagi Station here in Kashihara. Yagi, which means “8 trees”, has an important place in the history of Japan. Emperor Jimmu, the first emperor, made a journey to through the Yoshino mountains and into Kashihara. In Naniwa (present day Osaka) Jimmu’s brother Itsuse was killed in a battle with Nagasunehiko (the long legged man), a chieftain who had staked a claim on the area. Jimmu believed they had been beaten in Naniwa because they fought into the sun and, thus, were blinded. He chose to land on the east side of Kii Oeninsula positioning his army towards the west. Legend tells they reached Kumano under the guidance of Yatagarasu, a three legged bird. Here they would move into modern day Kashihara and would choose the eastern side of Mt Unebi (only a few minutes away from the Yagi station) to build his palace. Jimmu grand palatial design was to be delayed. Before construction began at the Unebi location his armies were descended upon and found themselves greatly outnumbered by the marauding forces. When victory appeared to be hopeless Jimmu’s men were saved by a golden kite. It swept down from the sky and landed on Jimmu’s weapon, his bow. A great beam of light shot out from the kite and blinded the enemy. They would quickly retreat and Jimmu would be victorious.

Jimmu proclaimed: "At present things are in a crude and obscure condition, and the people's minds are unsophisticated. They roost in nests or dwell in caves. Their manners are simply what is customary. Now if a great man were to establish laws, justice could not fail to flourish. And even if some gain should accrue to the people, in what way would this interfere with the Sage's action? Moreover, it will be well to open up and clear the mountains and forests, and to construct a palace. Then I may reverently assume the Precious Dignity, and so give peace to my good subjects. Above, I should then respond to the kindness of the Heavenly Powers in granting me the Kingdom, and below, I should extend the line of the Imperial descendants and foster rightmindedness. Thereafter the capital may be extended so as to embrace all the six cardinal points, and the eight cords may be covered so as to form a roof. Will this not be well? When I observe the Kashiha-hara plain, which lies southwest of Mount Unebi, it seems to be the Center of the Land. I must set it in order."



There he would build his palace and in modern day Yagi a golden ‘kite’ statue has been placed just outside the station. I’ve walked by it many times watching the sun just shoot off and, yes, it is very blinding indeed.

Yagi is home to a lot of foreigners, Yagi is also home to many Peruvian factory workers andy English teachers like myself. Nova houses a slew of teachers in the area in an apartment complex called the Nova Dome I have not seen them yet so I wonder just how abundant the foreign population is. They are said to all meet at a bar on the main to play darts, drink beer and complain about bratty kids and long train rides. One night, maybe, I will join them. My apartment is about a five minute walk away from the station. I pass under the street and emerge amongst the lights of the Pachinko parlors and Izakaya bars. I pass restaurants displaying tasty dishes and my mornings are filled with a mixture of smells as I make my way to my train. A Mr. Donut coffee house is located in the station. These are the Tim Horton’s of Japan and are located just about anywhere you can think of. I imagine there is one on the top of Fuji-san. Their coffee, like Tim’s, is total shit. I’d rather drink tar but their donuts are great, if not over priced. Just outside the station is a small square where local farmers gather to sell off fresh fruit and veggies. Strawberries are in season here and these vendors in the square offer the best price. An ATM for my bank is conveniently located just outside the station and this is just perfect because my bank card arrived yesterday. That was might quick.

Okay, enough yammering. Here’s the apartment.


I have a small balcony, I guess more of a terrace, outside. A clothes line is located there (again no dryers in Japan). I don’t know if I will be using this area for anything else but hanging clothes. It is pretty small. I will swing the windows open in the heat waves and maybe sit on the edge of the window sill to have breakfast but with not much of a view from the terrace and the noise from the trains I don’t think this is going to happen.


A dirty chair came with the place. It sits collecting cobwebs in the corner of the terrace. It will also probably go unused.


I keep my shoes at the front door although some of the apartments here keep them outside, as is custom. In Japan, in many places, you only wear shoes outside and slippers inside. Your shoes are to point away from your dwelling. Lacking slippers, I decided to half adhere to custom and place my shoes facing away from my dwelling inside of said dwelling. Above my shoes sit my mailbox. Yesterday, as I said, I received my bank card. The strange thing is I had to go to the post office to pick it up as a note from the post man in the mail box told me that because I was not there to pick up the envelop they left it at the post office. This is usually reserved back home for larger packages only. Why they couldn’t just put the small envelop into my mailbox is beyond me. The Japanese sure do like to complicate things.


My stove is gas powered. I have to remember to turn the gas off or I risk unexpected suicide. I have already received a gas bill. No wait, a notice. You get sent a notice that you will be getting a bill before you actually get the bill. Why this is needed, I don’t know. As I said, the Japanese love to complicate things. The notice told me that I would have to pay Y345 for three days of usage. Wowsers! Gas is pricey here. I didn’t even have the burners going that long. If this is an indication of what I can expect a full month of gas could be costly and it might just be cheaper to forgo grocery shipping altogether and eat out nightly. I will keep an eye on how these matters progress. I’m not a fan of the gas smell the stove puts out when the burners are on but things get hot really quick. There is a small oven but I can’t fathom what I might cook in it. I could fit a few slices of bread in there but the toaster oven does that job for me. A fan is located above which has been used to clear the air of steam from the kettle. When the kitchen becomes that ice box cold at night, pouring excess water into the sink fills the room with thick fog. The fan clears all that up swiftly. I’ve lined my soup cans along the window ledge because I can’t reach the back of the cupboards and I had to reserve that space for sweet strawberry corn flakes! here is also a washing machine in this room with controls I can’t understand so we will test the thing with socks before sweaters.



Next to the kitchen is my shower. My shower is an entire room to itself with a drain on the floor. You enter it through shower doors where you find the sink and a deep tub. The floor is hard plastic. I traditional bath in Japan first consists of rinsing yourself with the shower nozzle and then stepping into a nice bath to relax.


My toilet is in a separate room and like most of the johns in Japan you pull the flush upward instead of downward and there is a small sink on top of the toilet to wash your hands on. It is controlled by the flush and the water runs off when the flush is complete.


I have a set of sliding Japanese doors (although not of the paper variety). They are made of strong wood and close firmly keeping much needed heat in my living room.


Through these doors you enter my living room which is about maybe 12’ x 12’, give or take. It is just enough space for me. I have a nice huge window which leads out to the terrace and its size brings much sunlight into the place (read: warmth!).


A three self bookcase sits in the corner. I have used it to place my teacher’s manuals on as well as some books and maps. There was an outdated Lonely Planet Japan guide there when I moved in as well as some Japanese comic novels. I can’t read them but the art is nice. I am able to get a few channels on the tube but I only use them when I need a laugh. Man, those game shows are wacky I tells ya.


My couch is long and very comfortable. It acts mainly as a desk chair and desk combo. This is where I am centralized. The table they gave me is not as large as I thought it would be. It fits the laptop alright but not much more so I use the couch as an extra desk when planing lessons. I have yet to sleep on the couch as the bed is so comfortable. I think I am starting to prefer the futon type of bed, Japanese low to the floor style, then my old higher off the ground bed.



However, nothing says “please take me home for a wild night” then a pink floral pattern, huh? Although I had been told by Mog that these things are always very flowery I thought maybe I would get lucky and get the mainly Samurai duel futon pattern or even simple Japanese text. Nope. Roses. Pink freakin’ roses. Listen, just because I sleep under a pink rose pattered comforter doesn’t make me any less of a man.


The place came with a stereo that I haven’t used yet but will come in handy should I pick up any CDs or just want to see if there is anything as wacky as television game shows on the radio.


There is a phone on the wall above the couch but it is not a residential line but used for the intercom outside my door. Now, walking to my door takes all of five seconds so I have no clue why somebody thought this place needed an intercom. Did I mention that the Japanese sure like to complicate things?


I found the plug in heater in the closet and it has become my best friend in Japan. I cannot figure out how to get the heat working in the air unit. Try as I may with the remote control I just get blasted by cold air. When I found the heater I promptly gave the troublesome air unit the finger and plugged in my heat. I use it at night, placing it as close as I can without singing my eyebrows. I get the room nice and toasty and then unplug it before diving under my pink flowery covers to escape into sleep.

And that, my friends, is Andre Land.