Summer School Hell – Layer II – Realm Of The Parental Demon Of Extreme Idiocy

Since the rain has decided to take a vacation and the heat has settled in every morning I wake up to a very, very strange sound. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s not quite electrical but also not quite animal. It is a melding of the two. If I had to compare it to anything I’d say it sounded like a million blenders in the same room deciding to go on the fritz simultaneously and inside each of those blenders is a wailing cat. It is one of the most annoying sounds I have ever heard and I’ve heard an entire Jewel album. It is also the most puzzling because I am not quite sure what it is and, honestly, this sound is EVERYWHERE outside. I started my investigation this morning and my first thought was that it had something to do with the power lines because the sound was overwhelming the moment I stepped outside. At this point I figured it was some sort of electrical droning loud enough to make the ears bleed. From every angle this sound attacked me. It was a pulsing and as I walked to the train station it only intensified, louder and louder as I passed a large grouping of trees. Wait a second? Trees? There is a large thatch of bushes near my front door. I walked closer to the trees and the sound was deafening. I looked up to the sky. There were no birds. No…no way could this sound be birds. Above the trees were power lines. I couldn’t see any birds in the trees. Ahhh, it was driving me bats! I got on the training silencing the sound only to have it assault me again when I made it into Tenri. This time I found an area that had no power lines directly ahead and the sound looked as thought it was definitely coming from the trees. If this sound was being made by the birds it had to be hundreds of them, dozens and dozens in every tree in a cacophony of chirping. The only way I figured there would be so many birds congregated in one place would be if Tippi Hedren had paid a visit to Japan. The sound would continue to puzzle me all day until I did a Google search to solve the mystery. When I found what was making the noise I sort of wished it were hundreds of angry birds. Turns out, instead, it is hundreds of insects! Yikes! The insect I called a semi in Japanese and is a species of cicada. The sound is produced by tymbals on the base of the bug’s abdomen. These tymbals vibrate to amplify the sound. Some of these bugs have produced a sound of over 105 decibels. Out of the billions of bugs in the world this is the loudest sound an insect has ever produced. Some species can produce noises so loud humans cannot hear them. The sound is produced in the males for mating. Now, picture hundreds and hundreds of these bugs sitting in dozens of trees and bushes around you, imagine how loud that sound is and now think how bloody annoying it is to not only be woken up by these bugs but to also have them follow you around all day until the sun sets and they finally shut the hell up! Train crossings, talking garbage trucks, music on loud speakers above the sidewalks and now dozens of screaming insects! Could this country get any louder?

Today was pretty much a carbon copy of yesterday although parents were a little more active now with a one day comfort zone created between them and I. The same two kids in my first class didn’t show for my lessons leaving me to believe their mothers, who would have had to join in with the lesson were shy about their English language skills. Sad if this is the case that their kids had to miss out. The bad kids in this format were toned down but only a by a hair. And, hey, anybody remember all the way back to the first month when I talked about the Spawn of Satan? That kid with who tried to see how far he could push me? The one who’s mood swings quicker then hiccup? Although he was still a touch on the bad side at first within minutes of my warm-up card game he was all smiles and laughing showing he could be turned from the Dark Side. Summer school is really a different dynamic and I feel there is a more of a bonding with the kids. One of the girls I teach that usually sits at the other end of the room the entire lesson actually joined in, for example. I hope this shift carries into my regular lessons with them. You also get a sense of what works with the kids by teaching them in smaller lesson and this can be incorporated later on.

Ah, but hell is not going to offer up a smooth course. Today was highlighted by confusion, idiocy, bladder pain and another incident that could get me in hot water. At the end of my second course of the day a student’s mother was late for pick up. This is no unusual. This school has a history of late parents, some I suspect are abusing our the company to milk out some extra babysitting time. With six classes in the day I am only allotted ten minutes between to set up which is not much time. I have to clear kids (and in some cases parents) out quickly, set up and be ready for the next group. Late parents really interrupt this flow because you have to keep that kid entertained while setting up and if things run too late you have to call the office to find out what is going on eating into your lesson time. My next class kids were early and started horsing around. I kept my eye on them. Meanwhile, the mother of two kids from the previous class kept popping in and out of the classroom to ask the boy with the late parent questions. I heard the word “mother” a few times. She would then return to her car in the parking lot. I figured she was on the phone with the boy’s mother and that maybe she was supposed to take him. On her third return I stopped her and tried to ask what was going on. This is where the language barrier becomes an extreme pain in the ass. I really didn’t understand what she was saying but she managed to squeak out a little bit of English. She told me that the boy’s mother could not come for another two hours. TWO HOURS! That was re-goddamn-diculous!!! Not only would I have this kid running about during a lesson but I would also have to cart him around on my lunch-break or, worse yet, forego my lunch break to watch him. What was wrong with this parent? She was either in dire straits or really, really stupid. This was certainly a huge abuse of policy. If this was her intent she didn’t mention it to the Japanese teacher or if she did the Japanese teacher didn’t mention it to me. More so, when she dropped her son of she didn’t mention anything to me. In fact, she didn’t even come to the door. The mother of the two other students asked me “Is that okay?” to which I replied with a nervous “no” and as I was about to explain the reasoning as well as tell her that I would keep him, though, she said “but I will take him.” Again, I figured this was the initial request of the mother and I told the other mother that this would be fine. The boy and her two sons seemed to be good friends which must have made the mothers good friends. Why else would she have been waiting so long in the parking lot? So I let the go. No harm, no foul right? WRONG! I just had a sinking feeling about all this. I called my support line and explained the situation. I was told I should have called them first and that it might have been best to keep the boy for the two hours. Yeah, easy for them to say. I asked them to please try to contact the mother of the boy as well as the mother who took him. I was pretty damn angry at this point although I concealed it well throughout the lesson, now with a big chunk taken out of it because of this mess. During all this my bladder is throbbing from the entire liter of cold coffee I downed before my first three hours began. With so little time for a change over, and the bathroom at this school being outside, there was no time to go to the washroom. So here I am, frustrated, worried, confused and with enough piss in me to fill a bathtub. I squirmed through the lesson but at one point I stood up and it felt like I was going to explode. A sharp pain jabbed into my abdomen. I wanted to get these kids out of there as fast as possible as I was really in a lot of pain from holding it in but the kids decided to move at a snail’s pace, not wanting to leave despite my repeated requests. Thankfully a nice parent watched over them after I explained to him that I was about to have a baby alien bust through my stomach. I raced to the bathroom and delivered the urinal the longest stream that has ever come out of me. That will teach me to drink so much before a three- hour spurt. Now with the kids gone and my bladder empty and recuperating I call the support line back to get an update. I am told that they have still not been able to reach the boy’s mother but the mother that took him was called and she was fine with everything and the boy was having a great time with her sons. I then called my supervisor, explained to him the story and was told I made the right choice considering the circumstances. This was reassuring. I nipped out, grabbed some lunch, and scooted back to the classroom with only a half-hour remaining before the next batch of kids showed up. Nearing the two-hour mark I finally get word about the Parental Demon Of Extreme Idiocy. Well, kind of. I was told via FAX that the mother had been reached. That’s it. No apology. No explanation. Nada. Zip. Underneath this update was a reiterating that should something like this happen again I am to call them first. I faxed back once again my rational and understanding of the situation and told them that I’d call them should I run into this situation again which I really hope doesn’t occur. When the final part of the fax passed through the machine and fell onto the floor that was the end of it. I have a bad feeling about this. So the day ended, my final day of six lessons. The Extreme Eliminator was over. Sure, I have five lessons over the next two days but if I could survive six the others should be easy. I am not feeling any exhaustion just yet but I am sure I won’t be exempt in this marathon of teacher. When I finally left the class it was 9:00 having given me close to 11 hours of work that day. I collected my materials, set aside the things the Japanese teachers would need for the next two days, and stepped outside to peaceful silence. And then I stepped back. I had forgotten some papers. I stepped back outside to peaceful since. And then I went back to ensure the doors were locked. My mind is really crowded with the new lesson aspects that I am supposed to remember. Walking to the train station I thought how it was all going to be downhill from here. But we’ve only just concluded the first round. Tomorrow everything begins again. Second verse, same as the first. Standing here on the 2nd level looking up, I think how in hell there are those who are roasting there because they have done evil and there are those placed there for wearing silly bear ears, an apron and a cardboard tail.