Mog vs Nighthawk - Showdown in Osaka

Let's go to the tale of the tape:

Nighthawk:
Country: Canada
Time spent in Japan: Under 2 weeks
Japan words known: 35
Blog posts: 50+
Vice: Classic cinema

V.S.

Mog:
Country: USA
Time spent in Japan: Over 1 year
Japan words known: Hundreds
Blog posts: 200+
Vice: Kitty chans

I met Mog back in August when I did an online search for the Company and many weeks were spent reading his blog and posing a variety of questions in hopes I never achieved a level of annoyance. In many ways the dude got me out here by easing my apprehensions and worries. His experiences were always a great read and his jovial style and humorous take on his Japanese experience made for many early hour laughs. Always informative, Mog was the perfect person to find at the perfect time.

Today, six months in the making, we'd met head on. The main event. The showdown in Osaka.

Mog is not a hard guy to miss as are most "whities" in Japan, or so he might call them. He strolled into the hotel lobby where I sat photo editing, dressed mainly in black and sporting shades. He looked like a hired assassin and I half expected him to whip out a shot gun, fire two short range blasts into somebody’s face and walk out whistling a happy little tune. In short, Mog looks like he can kick some serious bottom!

Though I enjoy the company of my group is was nice to meet somebody else and break away for a day. Osaka, though not topping my list of must see places in Japan, was a place I had a passing interest in. Mog, having been many times, would be the perfect tour guide. He warned me early on that we would be roaming and wandering and heading off the mainly traveled paths. I was up for the challenge. The train pulled up. We stepped on. Let's rock!

On the train Mog related his disdain for white folks you come across in the more populated areas of the country. Most are teachers, others are tourists, and all are a target of Mog rage. It is not as though Mog is a reverse racist or a charter member of the Japanese clan of Black Panthers, fist raised. He has just become very integrated into the Japanese nature of quietness and invisibility. Western folk, by nature, are quite loud and when you set them down in a quiet society (and believe me, Japanese folks in public are virtually mute) they are extremely boisterous. This bothers Mog as I believe he feels it is disrespectful. Another aspect of things that irritates him (and is starting to me as well) is that white folks here do not acknowledge other white folks. I have passed many other none Japanese on trains or in stations, nodded and been totally ignored. From my understanding, other white folks are viewed as competition, invaders. Mog sensed white folks on the train like sharks smell blood in the water. It made for many humorous observations. My friend Mog is a funny guy.

The first place Mog took me was a bookstore in Osaka station that housed the largest collection of English books. Being foreign imports, though, novels and especially magazines here carry a hefty price tag. Books can get up to $20 for paperbacks and magazines can get up to $15. I really don’t need to read Rolling Stones that much. While perusing the racks of popular fiction (read: Harry Potter) Tyson whispered “Turn around” and, doing so, I was face to bemused stare with a middle aged Japanese man. I had met my first “cling on”. Mog explained that there is an odd culture here of Japanese that will follow Western folks around like they were celebrities just to study and observe how we act and react. Really, you feel as though you are some new species under scientific study. This guy followed us around the store fascinated by us. When we would return his stare he would pretend to be looking at something else, picking up books and muttering things under his breath. I started to just fuck with the guy ignoring him one moment and turning quickly to fire a fast look at him the next. It was very amusing. Mog, having had many followers in the past, was not content with our fan but I could spend an entire day messing with people like this. The fun would be trying to loose them, leading them around in strange zigzagging patterns or maybe, when under close scrutiny, start ranting out gibberish and turning around in a circle. For fun start following them around. Ah, hours of fun!





This huge red Ferris Wheel sat on top of a tall building outside Osaka station. The bright color was a beautiful contrast to the gray skies and I just went snap happy on this thing taking shots from all angles. It was moving but I could not tell if there were any riders on it today. It was pretty much in view throughout the entire day and made for a great landmark.



What to say about the city of Osaka? It is the third largest city in Japan is often referred to as “little Tokyo” so sayth Lonely Planet as it is similar nature in its modernized style and it’s size. The city is home to over 18,500,000. Osaka was originally called Naniwa and was founded in 683 and would go on to become a primary port for contact with China. In the late 1400s the Jodo Shinshu Buddhist erected Ishiyama Honga-ji and in less than 100 years a war would be waged between the monks and Oda Nobunaga, a powerful Japanese ruler of the time. The monks would not be victorious in their efforts and their temple would become Osaka Castle.



The usage of the name Osaka can be traced back to 1496. Over the years people who reside in the city have been the victims of preconceived notions about them people living elsewhere in the country, especially in Tokyo. One could make the comparison of what the rest of Canadians, say, think about Newfoundland. As with those “newfie” jokes the bulk of the ideas of people from Osaka are stereotypes. Truth be told, the people of Osaka are known to be very business savvy, outgoing and energetic. There is one thing that sets them apart, however, and that is spoken language. Mog would tell me that back in times of conflict people of the area would create their own language, a form of Japanese pig Latin, as code not easily deciphered by enemies. This dialect remains today as Osaka-ben. If you thought learning the language was hard, try adding to the mix various alterations dependent upon the area you are in.



This shirt, the epitome of Engrish, was found in possibly the strangest shop I have ever been in. Mog told me to brace myself but one simply cannot prepare for such oddities set upon you to ravage the human psyche. Cartoon animals would advertise things like “Love with bread” or “Happy sunshine frog sex”. Bugs Bunny dolls and Elmo dolls and then posters of half nude women next to stickers of Gary Coleman. Dairy Queen logos and Nightmare Before Christmas memorabilia mixed in with Vietnam war pins. Lava lamps and books with happy children hugging scary monsters. It was like David Lynch opened a store and just allowed anybody to bring in whatever they wanted to toss onto the shelves. This place was wacky, filled with wacky people looking at wacky things. Nothing was better then this shirt. In case you are having trouble reading it through your tears of laughter: CLASSIC SURFING LIFE – TAKE OFF THE BADGER FROM OUR ANORACKS PUT THEM INTO YOUR DRAWERS. This makes absolutely no sense, right? Picture an entire store with shirts and notepads and stickers with such nonsense and you’ve got this place, a comedic wonderland of mistranslated delight!







We made our way to Osaka Castle and, it being National Foundation Day (a Japanese holiday that celebrates the founding of the imperial line by first emperor Jimmu), the city was packed. Really, you felt like trout spawning up stream when you walked these crowds were so large. A battle of the bands was taking place in the park by the castle and dozens of teenage girls were bopping away to their favorite band. These guys basically played thrash metal, noisy rock, and each song had different motions and gestures that all the girls memorized. Think of the Achy Break or Macarena but to punk music. The entire crowd just flowed in simultaneous motion to the beat and at the designated moment in the tune all broke out into spine crack head banking. Seriously, these girls looked like they would seriously injure themselves. I hope these bands had accident insurance and carried neck braces in the tour van.



Mog just went ga-ga for these little sponge cake like things. The name sounds like Costello and if consumed with the veracity of Mog, this was like crack to him, you will soon become the more corpulent of famed comedy do. He forked a few my way and indeed these cakes are addicting tasty morsels of hot moist pleasure. They are only brought out during festivals or special occasions and are very expensive. Six of them are Y500 but those who bake up batches of these evil drug cakes know nobody could simply be satisfied with just six. A large bag will dent your wallet to the tune of Y2000 (or $20). Yowza! Much like the $5 shake in Pulp Fiction, they are pretty damn good but I don’t think they are worth $20. Mog would fight me to the death on this, though.



We passed a group of people watching a children’s baseball game. In 1908 many American baseball teams toured Japan and sparked off the baseball craze that would soon become the National Sport of the country. These kids were really into the game and their parents stood quietly in the stands observing. I guess cheering loudly is not common here.




Mog couldn’t understand why the castle area had attracted such crowds as the paths to the castle were very crowded. When we moved in closer we found that the cherry blossom trees where starting to bloom four weeks early. Viewing cherry blossoms in Japan is a very big deal. I won’t touch much on it now as eventually I wish to travel to Kyoto for the real deal, Sakura in full bloom, but even a small hint of blossom brought forth the crowds. The plum trees, show highlighted in the above photos, were large blossoms and made for a beautiful display of color even in these early stages of bloom.



This monk stood by the castle walls and instantly evoked the image of Raiden from Mortal Combat. He held a small gold cup and was motionless. If I didn’t put a coin in his cup would he bust out with the lightening and soar at me in a flying tackle, rip off my head? Fatality!


Osaka Castle is an impressive structure and more historically significant then the castle I saw in Nagoya. Your first view of the castle is of it raising above the trees. It sits high above you and is something to behold, I tell you.





The structure was significant in the unification of the country in the Azuchi Momoyama period of the sixteenth century. Toyotomi Hideyoshi, a prominent shogun of legendary status, started construction of the castle in 1583. The stone foundation was built to ward of attackers and the castle itself exceeded expectations clocking in at five stories on the outside and eight inside. The gold leaf trim was added in these early stages. Completed in 1598, after the death of Hideyori the castle was passed on to his soon but by 1614 Tokugawa Ieyasu was attempting a siege with forces outnumbering Hideyori. Hideyori’s army managed to fend off their larger attackers but by 1615 the strong soldiers of Tokugawa overtook the castle and obliterated the Toyotomi clan with both Toyotomi and his mother committing suicide before the invading army could murder them. This spot is marked by stones on the modern day castle grounds.



These cutouts were very well placed for this photo but I held up the line of people wanting to stick their heads in and pretend they were Japanese royalty.




Mog, again a wealth of information, pointed out some markings on some of the stones that formed the castle. He said that these were basically the signatures of the people who laid the stones.



Tokugawa would elevate the castle to the modern eight stories and fortified the walls that still stand today. The castle would fall into disarray for the next three centuries and in 1868 much of it would burn down in civil wars. The dilapidated structure would serve as a barracks for Japan’s growing army for many years until the main tower was restored in 1928. However, the castle suffered another major amount of damage during the bombing raids of World War II, damaging mainly the recently reconstructed main tower. In the mid 1990s another restoration began and by the end of the decade the tower was returned to its former glory with the addition of modern elevators which I thought were a bit of an eye sore.



Overall, I was slightly more impressed by Nagoya castle but Osaka’s fortress on the hill is another beautiful example of Japanese architectural design and history. Mog was quite patient with my obsessive photographic nature and on the way out he introduced me to his own little compulsive habit. Kitty Chans, oh, Kitty Chans. These Hello Kitty souvenirs are placed mainly on cell phones to add uniqueness. Mog loves them because they each tell a story as the bulk of them are unique to certain areas of the country. You look at Mog and you don’t see a guy who collects little toy cats but the dude light up like a Christmas tree when he found chans he did not already have.

The sun was starting to set and Mog had a long train ride back home so we said our goodbyes in Osaka station after he pointed me in the right direction of my line home. I learned much from ya’ Mog and I thank you for the tips and tidbits. This was the first day off that I didn’t do anything related to work and it was a needed escape and a great day out exploring.


Happy strange hat wearing girl approves.